M is for Marx’s Beard
I’ve been wanting to do a post on Karl Marx for awhile because I’ve been looking into Marxist theory a lot this semester; however, because of my lack of time, and also a slight laziness to cite actual sources, instead I present something almost as good.
Ode to Karl Marx’s Beard
How to praise such a majestic and flowing token of proletaran revolution?
No need for razors! Be gone capitalistic notions of “clean-shaven”!
The true revolutionary knows that the class struggle begins
the moment you put down the razor and take up the sword of facial hair.
The bourgeois may have taken the means of production and exploited your labours,
but they cannot control the ever flowing hairs of your face!
The proletarian fight blooms as grandly as the whiskers on your chin.
Only dictators don such hideous things as mustaches.
No handlebars here! Irony has no place in the dialectic of facial hair.
Goatees and soul patches? Save those for the capitalists!
Antagonisms between classes subsist, but there is no opposition over the rank of the beard.
Between the superstructure of your forehead and the base of your neck exists
a most illustrious piece of inspiration for the masses.
There is no ideology, only beard.
Hairs of all faces unite!